An Essay: Goodbye, Social Media

It was fun while it lasted.

This is more frequent than I expected. I thought it’d be an occasional thing as I’ve said I’m limiting my screen time. I’ve been spending my days off the internet writing, thinking, reflecting, doing some sort of craft, and crying. I’m so glad that I’ve finally decided to never go back to social media. This is an accountability post for me as well if I fall into a relapse.

I’ve seen the Netflix Original documentary film, The Social Dilemma while I was quitting social media for good. I’ve always wanted to do it but I never could cause my job is wholly digital, it requires the internet, most especially and specifically, social media.

The time of reflection I’ve had sent me to a lot of thought spirals. It led me to the scariest parts of my head. Mostly, I felt anger, shame, regret, sadness, and resentment; all wrapped up in the course of a trip down memory lane of my life on the internet.

I realized how half of my life has already been spent in the world of the internet.

We had a family computer back in 2009 and that was the first time I made a Facebook account. Back in 2007, I also had a chance to create a Friendster account when Facebook wasn’t still a thing. Made Twitter the same year I made Facebook and an Instagram account in 2012. The Netflix film dropped my jaw but I wasn’t so surprised at all by how crazy the world of social media is. On a side note, I feel like all the things I’ve seen in the course of my self-reflection feel like the universe’s way to lead me to the things that my body and soul need.

A week before watching that film, I stumbled across this one Anything Goes episode, a podcast of a vlogger and internet-born celebrity herself, Emma Chamberlain.

Her podcast has been fairly listened to on Spotify and I’ve been a follower for months now. I listen to it until I fall asleep. I love the way she does her podcasts because it’s topics she discusses for less than an hour with anything she wanna talk about. It sounds so impulsive and casual but she can always hit the right spot and I’ve never felt so heard my entire life.

So this one episode, she tackled how she feels like there is a major cultural shift happening globally and that is how social media and its culture are becoming staler. She took a trip down memory lane and how social platforms used to be community-centric and a way to connect to loved ones from different parts of the planet, until they became the most dangerous place in the world to be in.

In that episode, she also tackled how every IG post and story has been done, every vlog has been done, and some sort of internet personalities have snuck their way into becoming famous, and earning from it, doesn’t require any life skill, wisdom, and talent at all.

I’m lucky enough to have my early childhood days having to spend time with my friends playing outside and doing all sorts of creative stuff while being able to have social media play games such as Farmville, Pet Society, Wild Ones, and Tetris. I also had a good memory of beautifying my Friendster with all sorts of themes and having Lea Salonga’s On My Own when you visit my profile when everybody used to play FM Static, Paramore, Taylor Swift, and any 2009’s bop on their Friendster wall.

Until the fun was over. And I didn’t know that until now.

I have all the valid reasons to quit social media, however, it was part of my job. I almost know the ins and outs of it, the trends, and the backend of it all. I used to work in a Digital Advertising agency and I fairly know how we are all preys of the host that are advertisers.

It’s still capitalism that can cause our death as human beings.

It’s the bandwagon that tampers our humanity and democracy.

I’ve been that host and I was a prey too. I used to do pitches where I used my empathy skills to propose campaigns that tap into interests, behaviors, psychographics, and to the extent of emotions. I was a prey too, buying all sorts of stuff I saw on the internet; stuff I got tired of from the salary that I earn.

In my early teenage years, it was a big deal to have a huge amount of likes on your posts, followers, and pending friend requests because that was the basis of social relevance and likability. I’ve made 3 different Facebook accounts so far and deleted the other two. One was when I was in elementary school, the other in high school, and lastly, I decided to make a more grown-up, college version of my Facebook account, to get rid of the handful amount of gay men, and even girls, showing off interest in me by liking all my posts and even sending me a random private message.

That was the Facebook account that led me to create an identity, barely even cool.

I started to become less relevant and faded through time cause it was fragile as it gets. Being famous in high school was just a distant memory.

I was able to maintain the Instagram I made in 2012 up to its last days which were the early days of this year. I thought I can keep it to promote the music that I made cause it has a thousand followers. I was able to archive all the cringe posts I had and decorate them to appear more cool and likable.

As I got older, I set myself to be much more respectable and seen well by the rest of the world and on the internet, of course. To at least try to create a better space, an echo chamber at least, as I knew that there is a better side of the internet. The side of the internet with better music, photos, texts, TV shows, and films; became just called “content” and blended into the crazy world of the internet. The space where there is a common interest in politics and the global climate.

As I go along, I tried to make use of this better side of the internet. Focusing on the community that I believe is resonating. I am an artist on a stage, sharing what I badly wanna share, even though I struggled with fitting in. The space became cluttered; filled with opinions and expectations.

The pressure to speak became more difficult because the echo chambers on the internet don’t have walls. It spills with the rest of it all which makes it harder to find an opening. 

It is an era of speed and accuracy. It is an era of quantity. 

The hunger to consume more and chase time because it is running out.

Trying to fit in, trying to be rightfully correct, getting my facts straight, and strategizing to be heard and be seen was a struggle. I overwhelmed myself in the long run and it drove me to create from force and urgency. I might say I was getting insane at some point.

It was a survival of the fittest. I got more and more tired. Dead inside at the most. I lost my voice.

My voice can’t be heard in a space where there’s so much noise. A noise that is so deafening. I wanted out so badly. And here I am, trying to find my footing without it. The withdrawal was the worst.

I think I just miss the simple times and I wish I was born earlier. The times when there are handwritten letters, telephones wired, televisions clock out, news shouldn’t be breaking all the time, and coffee isn’t the only way to bond.

It’s just sad to live in this era.

Anyway, here’s a playlist I made to commemorate this all.

Take care of each other. Be kind. xx